Done

I recently decided to make the change to stopping indoor practices and running on my own instead. This comes after multiple controversial arguments with one of the assistant coaches that was upset that I was still showing up to practice every now and then yet doing nothing to help the team by not coming to meets. I almost took it as a compliment at first when he said that I was the force that could always lead us to victory in years before. He said I could always help them win or come closer to winning each meet. So far, for the rest of the team, we have less wins and more ties than in years before. I understand that this coach is upset that I am no longer present to help the team squeeze out those few extra points to bring the team into the lead. However, this dilemma was already worked out between me and my coach weeks ago and it was working fine for me until the assistant decided to get involved. I told him that I appreciate it and the only reason why I am still even on the team is to stay in shape between cross-country and the outdoor season, which I will compete in. But, (and I know this sounds incredibly mean), if it really all comes down to just me and the points that I would score in an indoor meet that would lead the team to victory, I cannot help but think that's a signal that maybe some members of the team need to improve as well. It still bothers me when I think about it now, even though my teammates watched the entire argument and some even vouched for me. However, after that one day, I made the false accusation that that was the last time that I would ever get in a confrontation with this coach.
I was wrong, I made the decision yesterday after one last and final fight between us. I ended up getting loud, saying "Well it doesn't matter, Coach Monz and I already worked this whole thing out! I'm gonna keep coming to practice and if you don't like it, then that's too bad for you!"
"Excuse me? I am your coach!"
"No, Monz is my coach, you and I have never worked together before, you're opinion doesn't matter to me! This is between me and Monz, so just stay the hell out of it!"
He walked away, so quietly, and I saw other members of the team looking at us, them immediately turn around as soon as I looked at them. After leaving practice that day, I decided on the drive home that the assistant coach was right; if I wasn't going to compete and help the team win then I really did not have any place going there. Therefore, I will continue to run on my own time and over the weekends. This would also give me more free time for homework and social gatherings. I'm still finding it difficult to find time to run on my own before it gets dark. I'm hoping that days will get longer and that it warms up outside within the next bit of time before March when the outdoor season begins.

Settling

Before setting out for a long run our second week of practice, my coach did not assign me a group. Instead, he told me to follow him to his car and that he wanted to have a talk with me. I got nervous when he started the conversation with "I'm hoping that this is something you'll understand." "I know you don't want to run in any meets", he said. I told him that my reason for not competing was not that I did not want to, but that the indoor air (regardless of how well the fumigation tests) always makes me very sick and it takes upwards of 4-6 months to heal completely. If not for my sensitivity to the air, I would have been more than happy to compete. My coach began to tell me that because he believes that all I had done for the track and cross-country team over the years, I had basically become an important symbol to the rest of my younger teammates. And he told me that if I was not going to run, then he did not want me to show up to practice as often. He claimed that this was because having me around all the time would give a false impression to the others that I would be one to help lead us to a wide range of wins for the season. While I had given it my best attempt in the past, I could never run a race too well on too-small an arena.And the worst part was getting hopelessly sick for months and I would end up missing the vast majority of the season anyway. When my parents found out, they strongly disagreed; I honesty had the sam thoughts as them but my coach and I have built a very good relationship over the past 4 years, and i would not want to jeopardize that by creating any controversy with him. On a more positive note, my younger brother just had his first race ever last night at the Boston University indoor facility and while he did fairly well with a 6:03 mile (it's his first race, cut him some slack) he kept complaining about how dry his nose and throat felt and he probably could have broken 6-minutes is the air had not been so poorly fumigated. I kind of feel bad for this next part, but I have to admit that I was surprised to hear about my brother's time. I hate to say it but I would have assumed he would have been somewhere in the high 7's or even possibly dropped out of the race. But he said that running with his other sophomore friends made it less frightening and made him feel naturally more compelled to stick with them. He unfortunately could not end up beating any of them, but at least he did not finish in last overall. It came to a big surprise that my brother could hit around the 6-minute mark when I noticed him struggling in practice almost every day. Then again, he does share practically the same DNA as me.