Grudges

The first few days of indoor track were very exciting. Seeing a ton of new faces to the team, including my younger brother, and old faces to bring nostalgia. I have been desperately attempting to talk to my coach about doing intramural. I basically want to use indoor to keep in good running shape between cross country and outdoor track in the spring. But every one of my teammates immediately denies that they want me to and claim coach will not let me either. Even though there is one person who did cross country temporarily between football seasons, and is now doing intramural due to a slight hand injury. The main reason I planned on doing intramural is because I simply cannot run indoors. No, I'm not bad at indoor, but the air in every indoor track facility is so poorly fumigated. And every indoor meet in past years had me left with severe runners cold and asthmatic related issues. And the fact that I would then start outdoor track while sick would make me even sicker as allergens came into season. But my freshman year I did not do indoor, mainly because I found no interest in it because it was mainly a sport for sprinters. Not to mention that because of this and the changing of the seasons, I had never really had a "good" indoor track season. I was out for most of last year with a severe hip joint injury and I only ran three races the whole season. My first mile finishing in an embarrassing 5:21, my second race a 5:12, and I eventually got my time down to 5:01 at my third and last race, not my best but better than I was expecting. But this year is different, with many old faces not returning (for reasons unknown), there is nobody on the distance squad to keep the mellow pace of our usual long-runs. Now with Tyler and Jill at the top leading every run, we always go way too hard for a long time. Despite my coaches strict orders to keep it "nice and easy, it has become a practical joke for him and all of us to make fun of Jill and Tyler because they have no self-control. I must admit though that I respect their will to work themselves practically to death over a simple practice, but I don't like when it involuntarily involves us who are just trying to get through practice without dying. I'm not complaining about hard days because I know they are essential to improving. I just find it annoying because literally every practice is a hard workout now; I understand that a runner needs his/her fair share of hard days, but they need their recovery days too; and it has been a pretty long time since I have had one of those.

Cross-Country Senior Recap

It has been one hell of a ride these past four years. Even I found it hard to believe that the slowest rookie of the freshman team would be one of the top three on the senior team (that being said, the standards were much higher my freshman year (We had two sub-16 runners at the time) ). I still vividly remember my first ever race at Waltham High School. Despite going at a jogging pace, it was still one of the most exhausting days of my life (it was over 80 degrees F), running 1.8 miles in 12:18. And I remember my first ever 5k on our home course where I finished in 21:06 and ended up with a 19:46 by the end of the 2012 season. I ended up no doing indoor track that year and going right to outdoor in early 2013, with the mile as my main event. I started with a 5:47 and finished the season with a 5:33, making a promise that I would break 5-minutes by my senior year. That summer I decided to go all out, regardless of how hot and humid or dark and stormy each day would be, I ran and ran and ran until my legs and chest went numb. And it paid off midway through the 2013 cross-country season, running a new record of 19:13 on my home course. Four days later at the annual Bob McIntyre Twilight Invitational I got my time down to 17:48, breaking 19 and 18 minutes for the first time on the same day, I ended up pushing to #2 on my team that year. After an unsuccessful indoor season, I found myself running low 5s in every mile race; that was, until the 2014 DCL Championships. That day, I went out so hard, and pushed myself so far; I thought I would just make it, but during my kick I saw the left side of the clock still had a 4 on it. I kicked so hard and broke through the finish line in 4:51, which still remains my current record. Then my junior xc season I ended up as the top runner on my team after our previous top guy sadly came down with anemia (I know it was not a fair comparison). The majority of the season was even until I ran a 17:27 at Wrentham Fairgrounds for the last race of the season, but not before injuring my pelvic bone that forced me out of running for over a month. After a rocky start to the indoor season due to my hip, I eventually healed and got my indoor mile down to 5:01. I thought if i could get an indoor mile down that far, outdoor would be a piece of cake; it wasn't. This is where my plateau came into place. I thought after a season with a 5:03 record and being beaten by other top milers from my school, that I had peaked and my running career was over. I felt terrible everyday during that summer and for the first half of my senior cross country season. Not until the 2nd half proved otherwise. It has been a remarkable journey from rookie to runner-up (pun intended). And now with indoor going on, and my younger brother joining me for this season, I hope there will be more to come.

All-State Championships at Stanley Park

This morning marked my last ever cross country race of my career. While it was almost a relief, I could not help but feel sad, like part of me was gone forever. The day started off as a usual meet day, full of nerves and struggling to gulf down a large enough breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee. It was a freezing cold morning, and I'm not going to lie: It pisses me off when we say that the bus leaves at 7:15 am tomorrow morning and people think that means to arrive at 7:15 am. The fact that we had to switch buses twice due to fuel shortage did not help the fact that we were already late. But at least there was no early morning traffic during the ride. We were forced to park at a nearby church about 400m away from the course, so I was forced to carry the water jug and the tent for about a quarter-mile. I cannot imagine that's something good to do before the biggest race of your career. Part of me was nervous watching the girl's race because I was scared of getting lost. The other part of me was somewhat depressed that it was just the 3 of us instead of the entire boys team. After all, this was the first race since my sophomore year that was on a course that I had never run on before. We warmed up on the 2-mile woods-coated path that fed the majority of the course, noticing how wooded and rooted the ground was but not the narrowness of the path itself. Upon returning to the tent, we stretched, put our spikes in, and headed down to the starting line to do strides. But when he gun went off, my nerves shot me forward. It was a tight end start and I just narrowly escaped being boxed in, though I was cut off my several runners at the turning point. During the race, the narrowness of the woods path made passing very difficult; it was also hard to go hard downhill from fear of tripping on rocks or roots. But I must have been doing good anyway because I crossed the 2-mile mark in 11:04. However, that means my last mile was slow because I finished in 17:11. I was disappointed that I did not break 17 minutes and would now possibly never get the chance to do so ever again. But overall, I'd say it was a good end. After stopping for lunch on the way home, we soon arrived back at the school. When I helped my coaches put away the tent, water and ice bags. I shook each of their hands; "thank you both" I said "for everything." During the drive home, I felt so sad and so relieved at the same time, and I swear I had heard Good Riddance by Green Day somewhere in the distance.

EMass D5

I'm sorry for how rushed this is (I write a lot of these way ahead of time and post them all on the same day), but this morning was very stressful because I could not find my uniform. I ended up having to ask the team captain who no longer runs with us) if I could borrow his, which he luckily agreed. It was frosty and hopelessly windy today, to the point where I lost all feeling in my arms, hands, and ears during our warm-up run. And it was even worse during our strides because of how tired they made me, despite that they always felt easy in practice, but I shrugged it off as part of how nervous I was. The boys team had a reasonable chance of making it to the Mass All-State Championships at Stanley Park. It was all dependent on our 5th and 6th finishers (Brendan and Sam). When the gun went off, I bolted; my nerves all shot out adrenalin at the same moment. I felt great my first two laps (it was the first runners high I had ever had during a race). I crossed the one mile mark at 5:28 and the two-mile mark at what I thought was a 12:05 unknowing that the clock was 50 seconds fast. Because I thought I was so slow, I ran my heart out the last mile; I could feel my exhaustion catching up as I closed in on the last 800 meters. I kicked as hard as I could, passing 10 people before crossing the finish line at 17:14. Only losing to my top teammate by 6 seconds and beating Vincent by 28. I was met with hugs and high-fives from my parents and teammates. I was surprised at how I ran so fast despite feeling good for the vast majority of the race. The best news is that my top teammate, Tyler, Vincent, and I are all going to All-States next week. Unfortunately, neither Brendan nor Sam had a good day and as a result, the boys did not qualify as a team. On the bus ride home, I swear I had heard Vincent crying softly.

Post DCL & Upcoming

Franklin Park has been declared a success with a new record of 17:49 despite my shortage of kicking at the finish. Once again edging out Wayland's top runner by a fair 3 seconds. Although I finished after Vincent today, I still felt refreshed knowing that I am capable of running a sub-18 on a very slow course without killing myself. I noticed I felt so shortened at the end that I had to stop kicking with 100 meters left to go, and had to start up again at the 50 meter mark. I told this to the assistant coach and she said "that means you ran well." Even though I am excited that I ran what I did, there is still some disappointment about missing the all-school halloween assembly, it confused me on why this meet had to be on a Friday, when every other year it had been on a Wednesday. At least now I will get two more weeks off from meets while preparing for what is likely my last cross-country race of my high school career, the Eastern Mass Division 5 Varsity race in Wrentham, MA. Other than Barnstable, Wrentham is my favorite course even though a lot of people do not like it. Not only is it quick, but has a few small up-and-down hills, which most runners consider to be a disadvantage. For me, they give me an extra step (no pun intended) to pass other runners who have a tougher time with them (I only have a tough time with consistent long and steep hills). The only thing that deeply worries me is that the warm weather is expected to turn cold by the end of next week, and while I usually feel worse running in heat, I always end up running faster due to increased blood flow from a high body temperature.

Upcoming DCL All-league 5k

Tomorrow marks the 2015 DCL Championship meet at Franklin Park, Boston and also marks my last ever race on the Franklin Park course. I am going to be crystal clear: I do not like Franklin Park; I despise its sharp turns, hard gravel paths that wear down your spikes and impossibly long and steep uphills. What really sucks is that this is coming less than a week after Barnstable, the fastest course in the DCL and possibly in New England. I would have rather had it vice versa so I could start off with a bad race but finish with a good one. Even during our meeting after practice yesterday, my coach stated, "We're not going to kid anybody; your time will be slower than on Saturday." The more annoying thing is that the race is on the same day as Halloween at school. Because it is a relatively early meet, me and the rest of the tea are being dismissed at 12:30, but the halloween assembly starts at 2:15. I was being "PC Principal" from Comedy Central's South Park and had been working on my impression for almost 3 weeks. But let's get back to running. As you've read I had already ran this course twice this season alone. My first meet this season where I embarrassingly ran a 12:03 2-mile and the race last Tuesday where I ran an 18:18 because it just was not my day (my best time at Franklin was an 18:02). I'm at least hoping that other runners have the problem that I do: Inconsistency in race performance. One race I'll feel great and run a great time, other times I will not feel good at all and end up running like s@#t. But I have yet to break 18 minutes on this course, and my parents (my dad especially) are begging that this be the day to do it, because I will have no more races there and do not want to miss my last chance.
I will have to pack an extra set of running clothes to change out of my PC Principal outfit, I will hydrate like crazy, and keep up my appetite. I will just try my best and do what I did on Saturday: Go out at a good pace the first mile, settle in and relax the second (with the huge hill), and then speed up the third and go all out down that last straightaway. It is not an easy course, but I will give it my all and do what I can. If I don't meet my parents expectations but I still feel good about it, then they can shove it. (Just kidding I love you mom&dad please don't kill me!).

Twilight Invitational

This past saturday, 10/24 marked the 5th annual Bob McIntyre Twilight Meet at the Barnstable Fairgrounds in Cape Cod, MA. Barnstable is one of the fastest courses in the DCL, if not the fastest. The course is about 90% flat with a very slight 100m incline in the middle of the lap with a long downhill nearing the end. Combined with fast runners and a fast course, even novice runners can notice a significant change in their times. The only thing that made this meet quiet were the fact that our captains were not attending due to school and family-related affairs.
I was freaking out of nerves worse than at any other race I had ever run; I knew this could possibly be my only chance to get a good P.B. (personal best).  As soon as the gun fired, I bolted, but not before being elbowed, kicked, spiked, and tripped by the 250 surrounding runners. The runner I always stick with, Vincent, was about 200m ahead of me at the start, this got worried me so I began to dodge my way around runners but was unable to find him again. During the second lap I attempted to conserve energy for the third, but then I saw a familiar head right in front of me. It was one of the Wayland boys, Zach, who I worked with at a day camp over the summer. He had beaten me every race this season and always gloated about it, but that was to be no more. I sped up along the uphill and past him and before I could tell, I was level with Vincent. When the second 1/2 of the third lap came around I began to stride to prepare for my ending kick. I passed Vincent and knew I had to stay in front of Zach. And when I saw the clock say 16:45 as I came down the 150m stretch, I gave it my all and sprinted as fast as I could. I passed through at 17:03, disappointed that I did not break 17, but satisfied with a new PB and that I beat both Zach and Vincent.
Before I knew it every boy on our team had gotten an astounding new PB that night, including some former "scrubs" finally breaking 19.
It feels so great to be back, despite how quiet it was that our captains were not there. I felt on top of the world, but I knew there would be greater expectations to follow in the future.

Me (3117), Zach (2933), and Vincent (3107) on our final lap.

The following practice

This post is going to be different because for the first time in almost a month I will be covering a practice instead of another race. The captain (who will also rename nameless. He instead will be referred to as "M") has been requested the day before to get a blood test to see if his iron or ferritin levels are low, as these could possibly be the case for a naturally lower level of endurance, and therefore a much slower time. But as parallel with my dilemma, all of his tests came back negative. But one thing I did notice about M is that he was only struggling in races, but unlike with my story he seemed totally fine and full of energy during practice regardless of how hard or fast our workouts were. One other thing that makes M different is that while he is only about 5'9", he has a large BMI (165 lbs) due to his strength. M is the strongest person on our team, and his average 10-rep bench-press is 160 lbs. For an athlete, it is actually not uncommon for someone to bench around than his/her own weight, but for a distance runner, it is quite a lot. For instance, I am 5'4" and 120 lbs, my average 10-rep bench-press is about 105 lbs.

I am very happy to be back to my old good runner self, but it is very hard for me to relish in it knowing that there is another runner who was once sub-18 and now runs worse time as a senior than he did as a freshman. At least in my case it was only around a minute slower than my junior times. As I see him struggle and walk away after every race with a sense of doubt on his face, I feel increasingly ashamed for being all "woe is me" and feeling so sorry for myself. I wish I could help M, and it pains me to see him so unsatisifed and upset, despite he has lacrosse to look forward to in the spring. Only time will tell whether M gets over his block like I did, and who knows? Maybe he will come back stronger than ever, if not in cross country, maybe during indoor track (he won every 1000m race the past two years).

Last Home Meet

Underdog Billy Mills (722) becomes the first American to win the 10,000m race at the 1964 Tokyo Olympic Games

Today was actually very exciting because today was my last time I would ever race on our dreadful home course. Our course has been plagued by the natural tectonics under the surface. Bombarded with land blemishes like steep uphills, slanted straightaways, and hard sharp turns. It is by far one of the slowest courses in the DCL, and it is all on weak dirt and occasionally sand. I had just raced on this course a week ago and managed to pull an 18:44 compared with the 17:56 I ran last year. However, when the gun went off I shot out and began to almost stride through the first 400m. The mistake i had made the previous race was starting off too slow which made it harder to speed up in the middle and end. But for some reason I felt a sense of endorphins and confidence rush through me during the race, and with every person I passed I felt better and better. I made the effort to go out hard during the first mile, then settling in and conserving the second, then the last short lap came around and I bolted my way through the football field and up the hill. By the time I came back down the hill I used my kick to stride my way past the lake and up to the track. I felt as if I was nothing; light as a feather as I sprinted down the straightaway and crossed the line at 17:49. Even going as far as to beat the "second best" kid on my team who had beaten me at every meet this season, by four seconds. It was at this moment that I knew I was "back" and whatever had come over me was gone. It's kind of frightening now because my block was the whole reason I put this blog together. But there is one other person on our team who has come down with some sort of untreated block, the former captain. Today, he ran a 20:50, compared with his freshman time of 19:30, and his 5k record of 17:55 he ran as a sophomore. Now that I am, back, I cannot help but still not feel satisfied knowing that another runner has it far worse than I did and that I was feeling so bad for myself.

Meet Day

I know that it's been a while since I last wrote here. I have had a lot of other stuff/work/family matters get in the way and I sincerely apologize to those who have been waiting. So I'm writing this response to my first meet roughly a week after it happened so apologies for a possibility of low detail count.

On the bus ride to Franklin Park, MA I was disappointed to hear that I would be put into a relay with two of the JV rookies, (who, out of respect, shall remain nameless) rather than of the teammates who I've usually beaten in the past. However, I was relieved that it was just short of a 2-mile rather than a full 5k. It was around 85 degrees during warm up and I felt myself dragging along behind the rest of the pack; my trainer sneakers might as well have had weights duct-taped to the soles. The cap-gunshot for the first leg of the relay echoed throughout the field which signaled me to head down to the starting line to stride and prepare to perform the handoff. I purposely chose shoes heavier shoes to train in because it makes striding and sprinting in spikes feel much easier. My coach called me over and told me to just "run how I feel, don't get uncomfortable, don't kill yourself; it's still early and time does not really matter yet." Eventually the officials lined all of the second-leg runners up as we waited for our first legs to finish. It seemed a whole year had gone by by the time I saw the 6 foot 3 runner with our schools black uniform with the light blonde hair and the long legs racing towards the finish. I got in position with my left foot forward and my right arm back. I grabbed the baton and shot off the starting line. Your body is trained to forget the actual "race" part of the day; all I can say is that there actually was not a certain moment where I felt "I can't go on any further" like during practice. I thought it just s happened that I was "coming back" but I new the consequences of a comfortable race once I heard that my time was 12:03, which is roughly a minute slower than my usual 2-mile split in a 5k. I probably could have gone faster if I had actually ran to the point of exhaustion like I used to. I felt that day with a sense of disappointment that it was the slowest race I had run since my freshman year but also a sense of pride that I was actually able to get through an entire race.

Tips for struggling runners

After heavy consideration, I realize that most of you have come here to figure out how to get past any sort of "runner's block" you might be having just like me. And all that I've done is complain all woe-is-me and focus on the negative side to every issue when there are still people on the team who cannot run as well as me. This whole idea is not about me, and if I stated otherwise it would make me a narcissist. I know that I cannot be the only one going through some struggle and I have decided to, as a public service to you runners in need, go over some instruction about how to deal with your own physical and mental issues.
1. Focus On You
Stop worrying about all of the people having an easier time than you and thinking they judge you for your performance. Do not dwell on other teammate's faster times than yours and how they get greater recognition even if you "know for sure" that they do not work as hard at it as you do. Chances are, they are only worried about themselves and there own running and do not stress over those who struggle. Focus on running the way you want to in a way that makes you feel comfortable; and if you can't keep up with the others, at least stop comparing yourself to them.
2. Remain Positive
I know how cliche it sounds and I know for sure that it is definitely easier said than done. However, regardless of how you are feeling, you must find it in yourself to believe that this will not be forever; that there is always the chance to make a comeback, possibly even sudden. After all, when your desperate as I am, you'll try anything. Experiment with a recommended diet, spend more time working out rather than running, and even take a short break from the sport if you really feel you have to. But before trying these methods, consult your coach about how you are feeling and ask what s/he recommends.
3. Set reasonable boundaries and goals
If you are having as serious trouble with your running as I am, unfortunately, this means you'll have to lower your expectations and standards. If you are going to attempt at a race during your struggle, do not beat yourself down if your time is significantly slower than previously or even if you have to drop out. Don't expect to come right back even if you start to feel better; every great thing takes time. If you plan to still come to practice every day and do all of the same things that you could once power through,  you should not think that you will feel the same if you try it today. Shorten your longer distance runs and slow time your expected time for tempo-runs and sprint drills.

Obviously I cannot say that these tips will necessarily help most of you (your condition may not be something mental); these tips come straight from me and they are my best attempt to help those of you with mental blocks. Running is not for everyone, but if you can follow these steps (or even look online for more), I can't say that easier workouts combined with positive self-reinforcement can further damage your running experience.

The last straw

After yesterday, I was hoping that because of our race in the coming days, today would be a recovery day. On recovery days, I usually would go out on a slow easy run for roughly 20-25 minutes (around 2 miles). But instead, my coach came up with the genius idea to have us to a workout on an 85 degree day on the loop of a reservoir. As I made my way to the starting line all I could think was "How much more of this can I handle before my heart gives out?" I got roughly a quarter of the way through with the rest of the team before I drifted off and began to carry whatever pace I could maintain, being passed by rookies in the process. It was and still is humiliating and difficult for me to accept these circumstances; knowing that I will no longer be the asset to the team that I once was and worst of all I will never be a good runner again due to some unknown syndrome I seemed to be suffering from. I heaved back to the starting area after finishing to find my group already gone on their 2nd lap..."2ND??? SERIOUSLY???  I turned to my coach and saw him gim me an unsatisfied sigh and turn away. That was all I needed; Without a single exchange of words, I picked myself up and jogged (unsuccessfully) back to the school, got in my car, and drove away; with tears running down my cheeks the whole time. I thought "Even he has lost faith in me." I still play that question over and over again in my mind over what to do "If I quit, I let my whole team down. But if I stick with it, my heart will fail before the end of the season."

A New Start

To nobody's surprise, and as most of my runs since this past summer have gone before, I felt awful during my run today. I went out on a 6 miler at one of the two local aqueducts in my town, and despite having easily done this exact trail several times in recent years, I had a very hard time keeping up with the rest of the team. At the start I actually felt ok, as does every runner, but the scorching heat and the rough road soon caught up with me. Less than 2 miles into the run, the burden of carrying my own body took over; my arms and shoulders shrugged upward, my breathing got faster and less consistent, and I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. Earlier in the season I had imagined it was just the humidity and heat from the earlier weeks of September, but today was rather cool and cloudy. Finally at the 4 mile point, I saw my coach standing beside his car with a massive water jug; this was a huge sign of relief. On the way back I felt all of the same effects on my breathing, chest, and aching muscles until the run had finally ended. I had to wait in my car for roughly half an hour before I had the energy to drive home.

Introduction

Matt Herzig (925) and Eli Curme (913) from the class of 2013. Two of the best runners Weston ever had.

As a former high school distance runner myself, I have decided that I will take the liberty to (literally) get back on track. My junior year in cross country I was the given the award for the Weston High School boys team MVP for my 17:27 5k. I first started running cross country and track my freshman year and my overall season did not go as well as I wanted. My friends and other team members were running much faster than I was and had an easier time improving their race times. This inspired me to go all out that following summer; through the blistering heat I pushed myself through 5-mile runs daily at tempo pace and despite having a hard time doing it, there was always a huge sense of satisfaction when I was finished. My sophomore year saw major improvement, with my 5k time going from 19:46 to 17:48. And in spring track, my mile time went down from 5:33 to a 4:51. I saw myself getting more and more varsity letters and awards as high school went on. I was never aware that this success was to be so short-lived. Suddenly during the spring of 2015 I have hit a major block for reasons unknown. My mile time went from a 4:51 to a 5:03. Deferred in my ability to run, I have lost all of my endurance, my running ability, and my will to break through whatever plateau I have hit. I have had test after test and the doctors so far have found nothing out of place; my father went so far as to ask me what could be worth me pretending to be bad at running. According to the doctors, I have normal ferritin, iron levels, heartbeat, breathing levels, and lung capacity. I'm not about to write off that this could be something mental, after all mild depression can occur in a loss of physical performance. Nowadays, whenever I think about running, it goes beyond making me sad; it makes me angry. Of all the years for this to happen, it had to be my senior year when boys are supposed to be at their best. I never knew how valuable to ability to run well was until I lost it all. With this blog, I will be reviewing a workout plan designed by a former marathoner (who shall remain nameless) that is meant for a "catch-up" in my performance. My goal with this is to 1. Figure what happened and how to be prevent it from occurring again, and/or 2. Make sure this never happens to another runner.